But the greatest of these is Love

In light of the recent unspeakable tragedy in Colorado, I feel the need to share something. I wish the my vocabulary housed the words to describe how baffled I truly am at the shooting of innocent people at that movie theater. I just had a gander at a thesaurus to see if there were actually any words to describe my sheer astonishment at how hateful people can be, there are no such words.

As Americans, we ask ourselves, "How could someone be so disrespectful of the freedom our ancestors, friends, and family have fought so hard to protect?". As humans we say "How could one person do this to another person, let alone a room full of families?". And as a Christian, my heart thinks "Where is the Love?". How has it gotten so out of hand that people sit at home and plan destruction on others? Psychologists and psychiatrists will clutch their pencils in their teeth and try and decode the human mind and behaviors and try to explain chemical imbalances people may have, but that won't appease most of us. 

As a nation, we grasp at straws trying to find an immediate solution to the problem, but is there any? I read on one of the news websites, Mayor Michael Bloomberg of New York said "You know, soothing words are nice, but maybe it's time that the two people who want to be president of the United States stand up and tell us what they are going to do about it, because this obviously is a problem across the country." He goes on to suggest that the presidential candidates squeeze in "more strict gun laws" into their campaigns. I agree, I have always thought it was a little silly that guns are so accessible; however, guns are not the reason for the crime, it's hate. Take away the hate, you take away the crime. Bullying in schools comes from hating people you don't know how to accept because you yourself don't know who you are yet. Terrorist acts happen because one nation disagrees with another, but what happened to "agree to disagree"? The list goes on and the motive is always hatred.

Lady Gaga, however bizarre you may find her, has introduced one of the more productive campaigns, I think: Anti Bullying. Her angle is empowering youth and teaching them to accept and love each other for who they are and were born to be, and I so admire that. We're on the right track if we can teach our youth to be secure, courageous, and upstanding citizens because after all, aren't they the ones that will soon be adults? But what if we can try to share with today's adults that are filled with anger and bitterness and know not of this thing I call love. What love can do to your soul, how it can make you feel, how it can be passed on to others. This could truly change the world. Maybe if we try our best to infect the bad with the good, soon the bad will be fewer and harder to find. A little bit of light goes a long way in the dark.

As we pray for those families and friends of the victims, we keep in mind the other victims around the world that are suffering in many other ways today and pray for them as well. I hope everyone can savor each moment with your friends and family, co-workers and employers, even the little old man at the grocery store who always says hello to you, because we are not guaranteed our next breath. I know I need to work on this myself. It's not that I hate people, I just rush here and there and don't look up enough to make eye contact with people and give them a little smile. You never know what that person you just passed on the street might be going through, maybe your smile could give them hope.

^{I Corinthians 13: 4-13} 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.Love never fails... And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Am I Settling?

One of my biggest fears in life (along with snakes) is the thought that I might be missing something. Though I may have not been abiding by the theme at certain points in my life, "never settle" has been important to me since I could find importance in anything. What am I achieving? What am I doing with myself? Is it important to me? Is it blessing others? Lately I've been asking myself these things and realizing the weight it holds, especially at this point in my life. It's like I've woken up and suddenly was married and living in this beautiful home that we bought and most of the past is a blur (praise God). Is this life enough?

When I was younger, I was constantly performing for anyone who would watch me. If there was a stick looking object near by that remotely resembled a microphone, you could count on me to pick it up and sing into it as if there were thousands watching. If there was any type of sweater or cloth laying around, I would tie it around my waist and pretend I was Belle. I'd stick my legs in a pillow case and pretend I was the little mermaid. It just came so naturally to me. But as we age, we enter into certain environments and those environments can make us question who we are or who we thought we were. Other people's insecurities are either projected onto us or bring out our own and we second guess ourselves. 

I had a talent agent when I was 9 years old, went on audition after audition and started to think I didn't belong there. Where had my mom brought me to? A room full of girls looking in their little compacts and powdering their 9 and 10 year old noses, teasing their hair. What were they doing? Why was my mom doing the same thing to me as I waiting to be called to go read lines? It seemed silly. Then the audition for Great Expectations came, it was a feature film staring Gweneth Paltrow and Ethan Hawk, talk about pressure. I said to myself "if I don't get this role, I'm done with this charade". I just remember my mom getting me out of school early to go to these things and getting so car sick on the way that I was in complete misery by the time we got there. My agent sent in my audition to LA via VHS (ah, the good old days) and I got a call back, I couldn't believe it! I mean, I wasn't confident in the least. So I go in for the call back, the producers and casting directors had flown out to Dallas for this occasion. I was a little nervous, but seeing how excited my mom was waiting outside for me, I wanted it more for her sake. I went in and read the lines. They said, "maybe now try it without the Texas accent". A British accent with a Texan undertone, couldn't have sounded that great. So I tried once more, then thrice more and went on my way. I didn't get the role. I was a little bummed out, but more for my mom. She never put pressure on me to be an actress, she only encouraged me because she thought that's what I wanted. And it was, at one time. Shortly after that I stopped auditioning and enjoyed my childhood while it lasted.

I pursued and fulfilled a dream to work for Disney, met wonderful people, made life long friends and ended up meeting the man I would marry while living in Orlando. That was my greatest accomplishment in that period of my life. I was actually secretly gearing up for a move to LA when I met him. I hadn't told anyone, not my family, I may have made mention of it to my friends, but I was serious about it and had already saved up money, I was just waiting on the boost of courage to put in my notice with Disney. Then here comes the white horse. The night I met Daniel I saw a beautiful life. I saw us with our children playing in the yard, taking family trips and making lasting memories. At work, I looked at every family I met and thought about how we would some day bring our children here to Disney World and how special it would feel. Now, the guys out there are saying "what a crazy!", the women are either thinking "yeah right" or "how romantic". Nevertheless, something changed in me when I laid eyes on him. I mean...just look at his beautiful face...

We got married...

We moved back to Texas and settled down, we built a house just streets away from everyone in my family. 

And of course the next step is obviously babies. But when I sit at my 8-5 job Monday through Friday, I wonder, is this enough for me? I see all my friends still "living the dream", doing this and that, traveling here and there and I wonder if I should be doing all of that. Truth is, this life that I have is enough for me. No glitz, no glamor, not red carpets, just the creme carpets in my beautiful home with my precious husband. I am insanely happy for my friends who are living their dreams and achieving their goals, but the simple life is my dream, and I've found happiness here. Sure, my life isn't over, and there are a few dreams I still have yet to achieve, but those dreams come in the form of a snow cone stand, writing books, painting, writing music, and babies. 

So am I settling? No, I don't see it that way. I think if you are truly happy doing what you're doing and will be happy doing what you're doing, then that's YOUR dream. I will always have the music in my heart, I will continue to bring that music to life, my audience will just be few and far between. I will still make movies, but they will feature my ever expanding family. If what you're doing is not your dream, change it. It's really as simple as that. I know that whatever may come and go in life, money, things, accolades, there is nothing that can take your family from you. That's the richest and truest blessing.

June Lie Lineth

That’s what I used to say when I was little, when telling people when my birthday was. That day has rolled around once more, marking my 27th birthday yesterday. I thought because my birthday was on a Monday this year that it would be pretty boring (as are all Mondays…the reminder that you’re starting all over again and the weekend is as far away as it can be…) but I must say that it in fact turned out to be quite a wonderful day.

I know everyone has those days where everything just seems to go wrong and one thing after the other are pushing them into a particularly dark place, and sometimes the bad days seem to outnumber the good. I get it, I’ve been there. But yesterday was one of those days that doesn’t come around too often where you just feel truly blessed, I don’t mean just because it was my birthday, but in general…it just happens to have occurred on that day. Blessed to look back at the past generations and see what a beautiful family my ancestors started and from there they had children, and their children had children and then Marvin and Louella Kennedy (known to us as Papaw and Mamaw) had children. One of them in particular, Jacquelyn (my Grammy),

 is one of the most (if not THE most) absolute wonderful, lovely, amazing, gentle, kind, classy ladies on this planet! Her and my grandaddy had 5 kids and thus grew a huge family full of aunts and uncles, and cousins. Last, but certainly not least, I should mention my remarkable parents, my brother and my little sister. Someday I will write about my family history, because it’s worth being told.

And then there’s my husband…. this handsome little gem.

My husband in a precious soul, who I can’t imagine not being in my life. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve him and at times I just look at his beautiful face and think “Why did you choose ME of all people?!” I’ve prayed my whole life for this man to turn up, and turn up he did on September 24, 2009. *sigh*
So, why am I so interesting to even have a blog anyway? I’m not really, but there is one main reason. Her name was Rheagan (Hughes) Leatherwood. She was a family friend of ours who passed away suddenly, and far too soon. One of her friends a few months ago stumbled across a blog she had been keeping and we were all pretty excited about it. She wrote about her life; her kids, her husband, the family trips they would take and her faith. I bet that in her writing she didn’t see it as the words she’d “leave behind” but indeed that’s what it became. I started to think that no one is guaranteed tomorrow, or even our next breath, every moment should be spent expressing your love to other people, and most importantly the one’s you love most.

So that’s the real madness behind this endeavor of mine. I want to share myself with those who care to read it. That’s the beauty of this platform.